Saturday, June 25, 2011

Thankful

Today I am thankful.

Is that a strange thing to say when you had a funeral for your son just 5 short weeks ago? It probably is. Even still, I am thankful. Though my heart is raw and bleeding, I am thankful to the One who chose me to be the mother of my son.

I am thankful that my son never sinned. Thank you that Gideon never got the chance to sin or really be around sin. Thank you that he was not tainted by all the bad things in this world. All my son knew was my womb, love from us and love from You. Gideon was never around any of the evil in the world. He just lived inside of me growing, playing and being loved. I sin every single day. We are constantly bombarded with the horrible things of this world, yet my son was not. Your protected him from that. Thank you that he went from knowing nothing but earthly love, to being with You where he knows nothing but eternal love. God, you kept him safe from sin. Thank you, Father.

 Thank you Lord that all my son did, through his whole life, was bring glory to You.

My heart constantly hurts and the overwhelming grief hits me at times. But even though my wound is open and bleeding, I am trying to seek after the joy of the Lord. Joy is not dependent on what is happening in our lives, joy exists where Christ is. So today, I am choosing Jesus. As much as I feel physically ill from grief, I choose Him. I choose to be thankful today. I am making that choice. I choose to glorify the Lord for all that he has done.

So, Thank you Father. Thank you for who ou are. Thank you for being the Creator of life and that you created Gideon. Thank you, Jesus for loving us. Thank you that you loved us enough to provide a way to spend eternity with You. Thank you for breath and life and hope. Thank you for Your peace that transcends understanding.  Thank you for my sweet son. I am so very thankful that we had a wonderful 33 weeks with our Gideon. Thank you for every memory we have of him. Thank you for allowing me to be his mom. Thank you for giving us those wonderful hours to hold him, kiss him, and to look into his face. I am thankful for my hubby, who is the best father in the world. Thank you that I am married to a man who loves sacrificially. Thank you for my family who I now feel closer to than ever. Thank you for my friends who I love. Thank you because your love endures forever. Thank you for giving us the ability to love. Thank you.

Thank you that my son is with you. Thank you for loving him more than I could ever love him. As hard as that is for a mother to say, thank you for taking care of my son better than I could. Thank you for giving him nothing but joy.

Thank you that my son never had a chance to sin and that he has eternal life with You.


"Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstance; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

3 comments:

Jenni / Jennifer Saake a.k.a. InfertilityMom said...

I am praying for you. Thank you for your beautiful blog and the reflections on Gideon's life.
{{{hugs}}}
- jenni from Hannah's Prayer

Stormy said...

Thank you so much Jenni. You are so sweet.

Laura said...

Like we were talking about in HP, your words in this blog just completely express how I feel as well - it's as if I'm reading something I wrote. Thank you for being so vulnerable and openly pouring out your feelings in your deepest pain. It is so comforting to have someone that relates - something I can read, realizing there is someone out there who knows how it feels. Even through the "ups" of this grief, your words hold true to how we can still find so much to be thankful for in the short lives of our children, even as deep as our hurt goes. You will continuously be in my prayers as you try to find the "new normal" for your life.