Thanksgiving

I am thankful.

In the midst of this horrific pain, I am thankful.

I am thankful for the love from the God of creation, I am thankful for the promise of Eternity. I am thankful that Jesus is the Savior and has provided a way for us to be with Him until the end of time. I am thankful that He loves us and wants a relationship with us. I am thankful that we do not walk alone through this world. He is with us every step of the way. I am so thankful that He is constant. I am thankful for Him. Father, I love you, and I want to know You more each day. I cannot survive without You. You are the Rock, the Anchor in my life.

I am thankful that I am Gideon's mommy; that I get to love him and that he is and will always be part of our family. I am thankful that I got to have him on earth for 33 weeks and that we got to hold him, kiss him and snuggle him. I am thankful that I got to see the love on my husbands face as he held our son.  Gideon has been in heaven for more than 6 months now. I miss him more today than I did the day we had to say goodbye to him. My heart aches to kiss him again and the desire of my heart is to see his smile and hear his laugh. But I won't see that on this earth, and yet, I am still thankful. I am thankful that the Lord decided to create his life. I am thankful that I get to love him, and that I spent 33 weeks loving on him. I am thankful for every single time he kicked and moved within me, and for the times when his daddy got to feel him move. I am thankful that he looks like me and his daddy. I am thankful for the people that his life has touched. I am thankful that he is, and has been for over 6 months, in the presence of the Lord, experiencing perfect joy. I am thankful that he knew how much he was loved. I love you, Gideon, with all my heart, and I am so thankful for you. More than I can express.

I am thankful for Todd , the father of my children, because he loves with all his heart and is such a strong man of faith. I am so thankful for the man he is and for the father he has become. I get to experience selfless love from him every single day. It blows me away that I get to be married to a man who has tremendous faith and a giving heart. I am honored to be his wife. I am thankful that the Lord brought us together to walk through this life. I am thankful that he is truly my best friend, that we can laugh and cry together. I am thankful that I can be totally open and vulnerable with him. I am thankful that he prays for me and that he loves God first. I am thankful that he loves our children. I am thankful when I get to see him smile (and his dimples!). I am thankful for every moment I have with him. I am thankful that I get to love him. Todd, I love you, you still take my breath away, you are the most beautiful and courageous person I know. You have my heart.

I am thankful for this new addition to our family who is growing strongly. I am thankful that this baby has been brought to our life to add to our family. I am thankful that we love this child so much already. No matter what happens, I am thankful that for today this child is alive and kicking in my womb. I am thankful that I can feel him/her moving around in there, right now. I cannot explain how incredible it feels to be the mother of our children. That Todd and I are parents to such amazing miracles. I am thankful that God has a plan for this child. I am thankful for the hope that this child has given us. I am thankful that we get to love this baby. I am thankful that this baby was created by the Lord. I am thankful that I may get a chance to see this child grow up. And even if I don't, I will be thankful for the time I have with this child.  Precious one, you own part of my heart, I love you and can't wait to meet you.

I am thankful for the family that I was born into.  Through my whole life and especially through the past 6 months they have given me more support and love than I deserve. I am thankful that they make me laugh through my tears. I am thankful that I can be myself around them with no facade, no pretending. I am thankful that they allow me to fully grieve our son and that they grieve along side us. That they want to talk about Gideon. I cannot tell you how thankful it makes me that they talk about him, and want to look at his pictures and want to remember him. I am thankful for the hugs I get from my nieces and nephews. I am thankful that when my heart is aching, they make me smile and can make me crack up laughing. I am thankful that my nieces and nephews love their cousin, even though none of them got to hold him or see him, only pictures. I am thankful for my family. To you, my family, thank you for loving me always and for always making me laugh. I love you.

I am thankful for my friends who are like family to me. I cannot even explain how amazing it is to have friends in your life that are just like family. I am thankful that these friends encourage me, and my faith. I am thankful that these friends have walked beside us through this time, and will continue to do so. I am thankful that they love Gideon and that they miss him too. I am thankful that they pray for us. To have people in your life that lift you up, and love you, and encourage you is a huge blessing from the Lord. I am thankful that they let us process our grief how we need to and that they remember our son and think of him often. I am also thankful for the friends I have made because of Gideon, those who have lost a child. I am thankful that God has brought these friends to my life. Mommies and daddies truly understand our hurt. We hold each others hands as we walk the same journey of grief. To all of my dear friends, you are more amazing than you know. I love you.

I am thankful to be a child of the Lord, a wife, a mommy, a daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, niece and a friend.

My heart is broken, but I am thankful. Thank you Lord for pouring out Your love on us each second of the day. Thank you for each blessing in my life, they are a gift from You.

And I am just thankful for the Lord. Because He is.

 "But as for me, afflicted and in pain; may your salvation, God, protect me. I will praise God's name in song, and glorify him with thanksgiving." Psalm 69:29-30