I can hardly believe it. Sometimes, when I look at him I am in just awe that we get to keep him. Even after a year, I feel so honored that we get to raise him on this earth for however many days we get. Sometimes I just stare at him and smile because I feel so blessed.
My baby isn't a baby anymore. Gosh, he is such a joy in our lives. More than I can even express. He is just amazing. His laugh is contagious. His smile can make anyone smile. His eyes sparkle more than any other child I have seen. He is stubborn and smart. He is attached to mommy (I am still his favorite), but loves his daddy so much. Daddy makes him laugh more than anyone else. He likes to rock in the rocking chair with Granddaddy and gets jealous when Nana holds one of the other kids. He loves playing with his cousins. He follows them around and wants to play with whatever they are playing with. He gives hugs and kisses all the time. He will lay his head on your chest when he is hugging you. Its so sweet. He loves kisses. He smiles really big when mommy and daddy come into the room.
He is learning to walk and will take walk about 8-10 feet, as long as its from mommy to daddy or from daddy to nana, or something like that. He cruises on furniture everywhere. He is so loquacious, he talks a lot! He can say: Thank you, It tickles, I'm gonna get you, Mama, Dada, Granddaddy, Nana, Hi, yeah, blah blah blah, bath, bye and many many more words. He also signs the words "finished" and "more." When he is playing by himself, he will get tickled about something and will laugh out of the blue. He will go "ha. ha." It sounds kind of like the character Nelson from the show The Simpsons. He loves to play with his older cousins toys, trucks & cars and anything that plays music. He tries to sing the "A, B, C's." He is learning to draw little scribbles. He still sleeps in the car most of the time, but loves playing with his toys while in the car too. He loves food and wants to eat everything we do! He loves coconut milk and mandarin oranges best.
Oh, there is so much more about this sweet boy. I can just watch him all day long. He just makes me smile. I am so proud of him. He is a great little brother!
I can almost not believe it was a year ago that we welcomed him into the world and all the anxiety that I had while I was carrying him faded. It was incredible. It was as if God mended a part of my heart that I didn't even know was broken. God has used him in so many ways. He doesn't realize how special he is to us. God gave him to us and restored so much of what was broken in us from when Gideon died. When you lose a baby; when they die inside of you and then you hold his body your arms, his lifeless beautiful body, your soul shatters. It hurts beyond measure because you never get to bring home this child to raise. You have empty arms.There is always a hole where your deceased child should be, you always miss their presence in your life. When you have another child, that child NEVER replaces your older child, but the subsequent child is just plain special. God has used Silas to mend something in my heart that I didn't realize was broken.There is something about that child. Just like there is something so special about your child in Heaven, there is something special about your child that comes after a loss.
I don't even have the right words to explain it. I love both of my sons so much.
The day both of my boys were born are days that are deeply etched into my heart and mind. I realize that never wrote about Silas' birth day. So here goes...I went in for my doctors appointment for my non-stress test on that Monday I had been on bed rest for a few weeks because I had preeclampsia. Well that morning my blood pressure was sky high and I had protein in my urine, and with my BP being that high and with my history of loss, my doctor took no chances and sent me to be induced. I knew it was coming that day, I had already had my bags packed and in the car. Todd and the rest of my family came to the hospital. They had me hooked up with pitocin by 11am. My water was broken at 1pm, my epidural came at about 3pm. And by 9, I was ready to push. (A lot happened in those 8 hours, but I don't want to make my blog post too long). It was a great day. Many people were in the delivery room. Me (of course!), Todd, my mom and dad, Todds mom, my sister Castle and my sister Kelsey, my best friend Jamie and our family friend Jessie. I even had up a couple pictures of Gideon and our Gideon bear. And my awesome obgyn wasn't on-call but came into the hospital to deliver Silas because it was important to me and to him that he be there.So after one practice push, my doctor rushed to get on scrubs and then the nurse led me with another round of pushing and in the middle of it she said "stop! stop!" And so I did. and I could tell that he was almost out. My doctor then was ready and I pushed one more time and Silas came into the world at 9:10pm! Just a few pushes and he came right out! And just down the hall from where his big brother was born. He was 7lbs 2oz and 19.5 inches long! It was as close to pure joy as you can feel on this earth!
So, I will post some pictures of the day he was born. I realized that I never posted pictures from the day he was born. So, I will post just a few....here goes....
|I had never seen Todd look so happy. Perfect moment.|
|Just so happy to hold him. To hold his warm body against mine.|
|Cutting the umbilical cord|
|His cry was the best sound I had ever heard!|
|He was bright eyed for hours after he was born.|
|Staring at mommy. The moment Dr. Young laid him on my chest, he was staring at me.|
|Daddy holding him for the first time.|
|More joyous smiles!|
|Granddaddy and Silas|
|Happy and hungry!|
|Nana and Silas.|
|My gorgeous baby boy.|
|With his big brother's blanket|
That was one of the best days of my life. (Man, looking at all these pictures is giving me baby fever!)
Now for pictures of Silas of his 1 year photos. A lot has changed in one year!!! I took these pictures, so please forgive me if they aren't the best.The lighting in some of them isn't right. But hey, I am new at photography and still learning the settings on my camera.
(for the rest of his 1 year pictures, check out my FB page, I will upload them on there!)
I love my little boy. My 1 year old little boy. Wow. 1 year!!!
Silas, you are one of the greatest joys that God has given me. You are beautiful. God has such big plans for your life. He is going to use you to reach so many people for Himself. I love you and I can't wait to see the kid, teenager, young man and grown man that you become. You are a special gift from God. Daddy and I are so proud of you. You are the best little brother on the planet. When I see you, you fill me with so much joy and hope. Its as if part of my heart is walking around outside of my body. After I had your big brother before we got pregnant with you, I didn't know how I could love his little sibling as much as I love him.I didn't know how my heart could handle that much love. The love of two children. The incredible thing is this; God grew my heart and I love you both with my whole heart. You each are so special to me. You are individuals and I love you differently, but the same. And your daddy loves you both so much too! You are the pride of his heart. Silas, when I see the way he looks at you with so much love and joy, it makes me love your daddy even more. I know he is looking forward to the day when you can go play golf with him.
We love you more than we can express and more than you can understand right now. You are one of the greatest blessings in our life. You are loved so deeply and are incredibly special in our hearts. I love you, Mr. Man!
"The Lord has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes." Psalm 118:23