Friday, May 17, 2013

Ten years/Two years

Today 10 years ago I married the man of my dreams, my best friend.

Today 2 years ago, I pushed my firstborn son's body into the world.

What a day of memories!! If you would have told me 10 years ago what we would have gone through, I might not have wanted to have children. But, knowing what I know now, I would do it again. Loving our son more than life itself. Seeing his beautiful face. Feeling him kick within me. Seeing the miracle that God created. Getting to hold him in my womb and in my arms. And knowing that our son in with Jesus. I would do it all over again. So I could be his mommy. So that he could change me forever. And so that he could be with the Lord.

I am not sure what to say other than I can't believe it has been 2 years since we held him. I miss him deeply. I feel the hole in my soul and I miss him into my bones. But I do know that Jesus has given me joy where there once was deep agony. I am thankful for the blessings that have come from his life. It is more than I imagined. God has bigger plans for our life than what we can even dream. God continues to wow me as I see him using the life of this baby who only lived in his mommy's tummy for 33 weeks.

God always keeps his promises. Even when they don't look like what they thought they would.

Wow. 2 years. 730 days. Seeing that number makes it even more unbelievable. He was only with us for about 230 days and he has been gone for over 3 times that amount of time.

Isn't he just gorgeous?

I love you, Gideon.
Happy birthday in Heaven! I know today is just as amazing, beautiful and perfect as yesterday and will be the same for all of your tomorrows.

This month has also been 5 years since we lost Avery to miscarriage. That is hard to wrap my mind around too. If she had lived, we would have a 4 year old. I sometimes think about what my life would be like if all 3 of my kids lived. I would have a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 1 year old. Wow! What a life it would be! I  am so happy with my life now and so thankful for the path that God has put me on, but I do wonder how it would be if they all were with me.

MEND (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) sends out newsletters and in each newsletter you can put a birthday tribute for your baby/babies in Heaven. So this is our tribute for both of my children for this year.

Now I want to share some pictures from mine and Todd's wedding day.

 10 years ago! A decade. Gosh, 3,650 days ago!

In 10 years, we have been through 2 college degrees, 2 masters degrees, infertility, careers, changing careers, moving 6 times, a miscarriage, the death of one son, raising another son, the birth of many nieces and nephews, Todd starting his counseling practice, and so much more. Lots of laughter and lots of tears.

A beautiful life. A life that is a gift from the Lord.

I am so blessed to be married to my best friend. I love him more now than ever and I love him deeper because of what we have been through. Losing Gideon has brought us closer than I even knew we could be. I thought we were in love before, I thought we were close before. But the closeness and love we have for each other is deeper than I can even express. Only surviving the tragedy of the death of a child can bring you this close. We truly are one. Our hearts beat as one.
I am in awe of the man God has given me and in awe of the man God is making him. He is an amazing husband and incredible father. I am so in love with him. He still takes my breath away. Here is to many, many more years of being married to and loving my best friend!

I love my husband so much! More than I ever knew was even possible.

 Good gracious, we were young! I had just turned 21 and Todd was turning 20 the next month. Wow. (and dang, I was a lot skinnier than I am now! haha :P) 

 I hope you guys enjoyed that! It was fun for me to go down memory lane!

The biggest thing is that I am much closer to Jesus than I was 10 years ago and much closer than I was to Him 2 years ago. I thought I was close to Him then, but I love him even more now today. He continually draws me to Himself. 

Thank you Jesus, for EVERYTHING we have experienced and all the love we have shared in the past 10 years. 

So, today, for me, kiss your husband a little longer than usual. Tell him you love him. Snuggle your kids tighter and make them feel special. Laugh louder. Do something silly. Give to someone. Help out a stranger. Call an old friend. I know for the past 2 years I have given more love and taken nothing for granted and it has made my life so much sweeter. 

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights... James 1:17a

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